I Have the Right To by Chessy Prout & Jenn Abelson

Author:Chessy Prout & Jenn Abelson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Margaret K. McElderry Books

DAY 2

The next morning was like Groundhog Day: my arms wrapped around the toilet, prayers at the kitchen table, and another Post-it Note from Lucy.

She drew a stick figure of a girl pumping her fists in the air.

Today you stand up. For you! For those who don’t understand For me, For Christianna For girls everywhere For the unheard For those silenced.

I put the yellow square inside my pocket along with the knight. Back on the witness stand I had trouble getting words out, much less speaking loudly. Court officials had to turn off a fan that was drowning out my testimony.

I clutched the figurine in my sweaty palm while I described pulling up my bra straps and holding on to my underwear in the mechanical room. My voice shook when I recounted Owen biting my breasts.

“Did you say anything to him when he did that?” Catherine asked.

“I didn’t say anything,” I responded.

“What were you thinking when he did that to you?”

“I was thinking, Ow, I’m in pain, but I couldn’t think of anything else,” I said. “I was—I felt like I was frozen.”

“What did you do when his face was near your vagina?”

“I took his head and I moved it up and said, ‘No, no, no, let’s keep it up here,’ ” I explained, gesturing above my waist.

“And what did you mean by that?” Catherine asked.

“I meant no, that I didn’t want any of that,” I said.

“What didn’t you want?”

“I didn’t want him to touch me down there,” I said.

“ ‘Down there’ means what to you?”

“My vagina. I didn’t want him down there orally, I didn’t want him down there with his hands, I didn’t—I wish I kept my pants on.”

“What did you think you were communicating to him when you moved his face and said, ‘No, no, let’s keep it up here’?”

“I thought that was a sure no,” I said. “I thought he would respect me. But he laughed and said, ‘You’re such a tease.’ ”

Catherine was trying to be gentle, but it felt like I was being stoned to death as I laid out the worst moments of my life in excruciating detail for a roomful of strangers. I broke down again when I talked about showering after the assault.

“I tried to wash every little part of me,” I said through tears. “I felt like something had just been taken away from me.”

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